RSD Poems....

RSD? What does it mean?
It causes so much pain I would like to scream.
You wake in the morning and all the day thru.
It’s constant, constant pain and nothing you can do.
In later stages…they say there is no cure.
We Pray they find one. That’s for sure!
It’s hard to deal with all that goes on.
Being in pain from dusk ‘til dawn.
Anger, depression, mood swings, I could go on and on.
Then some doctors think. It’s all a Con.
Drugs, drugs and more drugs …you must take.
Starting from the moment, we awake. No one really understands what we have.
Too bad there’s not a magic salve.
So to all of you, who know how I feel, The ones who KNOW the Pain is real.
We’ll stick together through thick and thin.
Hopefully someday in the end we will win.
Guess we just have to wait and see and pray they find a CURE for YOU and ME!
It’s not in our heads. The Pain is there.
Please Doc, show consideration, show YOU care.
Until there’s a cure, we all must cope.
So DOCTORS….PLEASE LISTEN TO US, IT'S NOT FOR THE DOPE!!!!!

I always smile I always put on a happy face. Why can’t they see that it’s not me??Why can’t they see what’s inside me??I hate this disgusting feeling.This feeling of not feeling.I need to scream.I’m not okay!!!I need to scream.I can’t do this today!!!Don’t they see this is not my smile??Don’t they see my breaking heart??My eyes used to shine.Now they are gray and dull.Have they ever known me?Or do they just refuse to see?I need to scream.I’m not okay!!!I need to scream.I can’t do this today!!!I try to look back on my life for hope.I try to tell myself this is just one more hill to climb.It will make me better.It will make me stronger. Everyday I dream about dancing.Everyday I dream abut being me.The more I try my past just fades.I wish that I could just go back .Why can’t I just go back??Can they not see the difference now??Can they not see this smile isn’t even real??I need to scream.I’m not okay!!!I need to scream.I can’t do this today!!!With every treatment that fails…With every doctor who can’t help…With every friend who turns their back on me…My heart becomes a little colder.My hope becomes a little smaller.Isn’t that why they are here?Can’t they understand I need them now more than ever.No I guess they can’t…Because of this stupid happy faceThey don’t hear my empty voice when I tell them I’m fine. They don’t want to know if I’m hurting. They don’t have the time for.I need to scream.I’m not okay!!!I need to scream.I can’t do this today!!!I know life is full of challenges. But please, can’t this be enough.Don’t you know I’m only thirteen.I need to live my childhood dreams…I’m sick of being sick.I’m sick of saying I’m fine.I’m sick of painting on this face every single time. Do they not see…How empty my eyes are?Do they not hear…How tired my voice is?Or do they just not know this sound?Do they not know the sound of a dying soulMy life goes by in a haze.A haze of weeks running together.A haze of uncountable let downs.A haze of numbness and lying. I need to scream.I’m not okay!!!I need to scream.I can’t do this today!!!I know the truth now.They did used to know me.Now they just refuse to see.I’ve been sucked into this lie, Of telling myself I’ll be fine,Tomorrow is another day…Maybe then I’ll be okay.But deep down I know..How tomorrow will really go…It is one more day of fake smiles It is one more day or them living in denial. I will tell myself I can no longer be a part of that…And I have to face the truth before I get hurt.Then I will realize I can’t hurt myself if I don’t feel. The feeling of not feeling will returnAnd I will get out of bed and paint on my happy face,To help cover up my screaming soul.I will paint on my happy face.To help numb the tearing pain of my heart closing.I will paint on my happy face Just like I did yesterday...